Self-esteem and self-confidence are often used interchangeability when talking about how we feel about ourselves, but they are two different concepts. It is important to know their roles when looking to improve our sense of self.

Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself overall, how much self-love and self-acceptance you have. This develops through the experiences you’ve had throughout your life that shape how you see yourself today, which begin in childhood. Self-confidence is how you feel about about your abilities, which can vary from situation to situation.

For example, in a romantic relationship, someone with high self-esteem would know that they deserve love, respect, and intimacy from their partner. They would ask for these things if they found that at some point they weren’t receiving them, and if their needs still weren’t being met, they would leave the relationship to find something that did better meet them. Someone with low self-esteem, on the other hand, may not even believe that they are worthy of having a partner at all. If they do find themselves in a relationship, they will likely feel undeserving of love, respect, and intimacy from their partner. They could also tend to accept unsatisfying and perhaps abusive behaviour from their partners, and stay with them out of a belief that they couldn’t find anything better. Their confidence in their ability to find a satisfying relationship could erode over time as well.

The same kind of scenarios could play out in one’s career, friendships, physical health, and other areas of life.

When you love and respect yourself, your confidence in your abilities may increase, and when you feel self-confident in more areas in your life, your self-esteem may begin to improve. However, these concepts do not always affect each other in this way, and in fact the conflation of the two can lead someone down the wrong road to becoming a person who is more settled in their own skin. For example, someone who gets plastic surgery to feel more self-confident may find themselves still feeling fundamentally unworthy and unlovable as a person afterwards. The fear of being unacceptable can lead us to endlessly chase “self-improvement” goals without actually addressing the underlying negative beliefs which are causing the distress.