Anger is a completely normal – usually healthy – human emotion. It’s our body’s adaptive response to threats, which allows us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.

Anger arrives to send us a message that one or more of our needs is not being met. However, it can become problematic when our anger is disproportionate to the situation at hand, and we overreact or communicate it ineffectively, hurting others and ourselves. Underneath extreme forms of anger is often profound sadness, loneliness, and hurt.

When anger gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, problems in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. Anger can make you feel like you’re at the mercy of its unpredictable and overwhelming nature: it can arise at the drop of the hat and until it passes, you may feel powerless to stop from lashing out. Afterwards, you may feel flooded with shame and disbelief at the harm your reaction may have caused. Your angry outbursts may be putting your relationships on shaky ground, or putting your job at risk. They may even be resulting in violence at home or elsewhere, or criminal charges being laid. Maybe you’ve been told by your boss that you need to improve your ability to handle conflict at work, or by your lawyer that you need to get anger management counselling in order to avoid jail, or see your children.